Question of the week: How to get out of a “Relationship Rut”…

Let’s face it–we’ve all been there.

What was once exciting and we were so “into” that we could hardly catch our breath…

Has now become routine and almost automatic.

So where did that passion go in our lives and in our relationship?

Here’s a reader’s question that hits the nail on the head for many of us…

Her Question:

“My relationship with my husband is going very well. I appreciate all the advice and information you both have given to help me achieve my ideal relationship. I do wish we had some spontaneity in our lives. It seems the older we get the more “in a rut” we are. Money is a concern in this part of our lives, as we try to save for retirement and finish paying for college for our youngest. I know there must be ways to change things up a bit without breaking the bank. I would love to hear some ideas about that.”

Our Answer:

Hooray to you both for creating a relationship that’s going well–and also for wanting even more!

We’re guessing that what you feel is really lacking is passion in your life.

Although you don’t mention, passion in the bedroom, if you’re feeling “in a rut,” it might be in the bedroom as well as outside the bedroom that you’re feeling some boredom.

This isn’t all bad!

You are being nudged to spice up and expand your life in new ways and that can happen at any age but especially after the kids leave and you’re entering a new phase in life.

So we invite you to approach this “nudge” with curiosity and wonderment. Here are a few ideas we’ll offer you…

1. Don’t ignore your feelings.

Talk with your partner about what you’d like to have happen without blaming either one of you for the “rut.”

Ruts happen but take some action now to breathe some life into your relationship.

2. Bring fun back into your life.

Do some brainstorming about what’s fun to you–individually and with your partner.

The young woman who cuts and colors Susie’s hair is in a new relationship and they are having fun together.

They visited the art museum in town and another time, spent the day at our local science museum during special adult hours. They played like kids and had a great time.

Investigate what’s going on in your area that you might not be aware of–that is within your “fun” budget.

This doesn’t have to be expensive nights out to dinner or weekend trips to exotic locations.

You can have fun renting a funny movie together and laughing like you used to.

3. If your love life needs some revitalizing as well, take turns leading with various sensual activities. For ideas, take a trip to the book store or look online at the “sexuality” section and pick out a book that appeals to you both.

We love using various kinds of music like the Buddha Bar compilations (Google it and you’ll find lots of examples)during our love making and also every now and then throwing in some role play.

Our friend Ellen Eatough has what she calls lovemaking enhancement music that we just love that you might check out.

Don’t be afraid to step out on a limb and do some things that are different–both in and out of the bedroom.

Life and relationships are meant to be enjoyed–so go out there, be spontaneous and enjoy!