When the big “O” doesn’t come easily–Here’s what to do…

For many, many women, having an orgasm doesn’t come easily or may not even happen at all.

According to Planned Parenthood statistics, 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm and as many as 80% have difficulty with having an orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.

Here’s what one woman wrote which is pretty typical…

“Help! I’ve always had trouble having an orgasm when I make love with my husband and it seems like when I finally do, it takes forever. I find myself wanting to ‘get it over with’ so he doesn’t get bored with me and think something’s wrong. What’s wrong with me and how can I have orgasms more easily?”

Well I can certainly relate because like many women, orgasms haven’t come easily for me in the past and I’ve beat myself up for not being more orgasmic.

And BTW–before I go any further…

To this woman and to you if you’ve felt this way…


Let me say that again…(without shouting)

There’s nothing wrong with you!

(Of course if you feel like there is something physically not feeling right, be sure to consult your obgyn.)

Here are some tips that have helped me enjoy love making so much more without putting all that pressure on myself to get to the big “O”…

1. It truly is a journey and not a goal so sink into pleasure

When you make having an orgasm the goal, you lose the connection with your beloved and lose enjoying the pleasure along the way.

So focus on the present moment and feeling sensations instead of “I have to get to the finish line–and pretty darn quick.”

2. Calm your thoughts

If you’re anything like me, during sex, your thoughts are all over the place and you’re not totally “with” your partner.

I find it helpful to pull my thoughts to my sensations (as I said above) and that helps me to stay present.

I even say to myself things like “I’m opening to my beloved” and “I’m feeling pleasure here.”

That helps me to stay present, enjoy myself and sink deeper into sexual pleasure.

3. Don’t be in a hurry and worry about your partner being bothered that you’re “taking too long”

Research says that it usually does take a woman 20 minutes of sexual activity to reach orgasm and that’s if she’s not being distracted by her thoughts!

That’s normal.

So when you think the thought that “I’m taking too long,” sink back into enjoying the pleasure instead–and give yourself a break!

If you want easier orgasms, I’ve found that two things are really helpful…

1. Don’t be passive–Tense your muscles in your pelvic area to prime the pump.

2. Relax your thoughts and turn inward toward sensation.

I’ve often heard that for a woman, whether she’s turned on or not is determined from the neck up.

I offer these tips to you in the hopes that you enjoy sexuality and love-making for as long as you want.

If you’re intrigued and want more, we have a whole program that can help you enjoy love-making and sexuality in our “Red Hot After 50” course. Be sure to check out the session that describes the difference between orgasm and ecstasy and how you can have both after 50.