When Your Sex Drive is Higher Than Your Man’s…And You Want More

What do you do when your sex drive is higher than your partner’s-and it’s ruining your relationship?

A common misconception about women over 50 is that they lose their desire for sex (in fact, they become downright cold) and it’s the men who can’t get enough.

In our surveys, we have evidence that that just isn’t true.

In fact, as one of our readers expressed, the opposite is true for a lot of sexy, vibrant women over 50…

They want more (and better) sex and their partner doesn’t seem as interested and may have lost his desire altogether.

Here’s a question from a reader who’s in this predicament…

“I have a high sex drive and my husband does not. (He has ED) I want a master lover, oral sex and sex at least 5 times a week. And role playing would be fun to. How can I get the sex I need with my husband who isn’t interested?”

Our answer…

We can really feel your pain because when you crave a sexual connection with your partner and something prevents that, it can be a wedge that threatens to blow your relationship and life apart.

Here are a few ideas to help you connect with your partner so you can back to loving…

1.    Determine whether his lower libido has always been a factor between you or a relatively new challenge to deal with.

Did he ever have a sex drive equal to yours?

If he did, have you noticed a gradual decline or did his interest vanish overnight? This can give you clues as to what’s going on with him.

You mention that he experiences erectile dysfunction and while there can certainly be physical causes like low testosterone and drug interactions that he should check out with his doctor…

There are also psychological causes that can interfere with erections especially as he gets older.

If it has been a gradual decline in his interest, the cause may be a little of both so start with a physical checkup.

If his interest in sex seemingly vanished overnight, chances are that there’s some event that has shut him down that may or may not have anything to do with you. If that’s the case, a physical checkup would be a good place to start as well.

2.    Calm yourself, go inward and discover what you want

We know that your frustration level is probably very high and you may be thinking that your husband’s lack of interest is because of your looks or your age-or you might just be thinking he’s not in love with you any longer. You might be wondering if he’s still the man for you.

Before you believe stories that may not be true, calm yourself, go inward and ask yourself what YOU really want.

Do you want to stay with him no matter what?

Is the difference in sex drive covering up bigger issues that need to be addressed?

Is sex (the kind of sex you want) a relationship deal-breaker for you whether he wants the same thing or not?

Take the right and wrong judgments out of it and just listen deeply to what’s inside you.

Be honest with yourself and what you really want.

3.    Get into an attitude of curiosity and listen with love

Make a shift from all the emotion and frustration that you may have been holding in to just being curious about your partner.

You might ask something like, “Help me to understand about what you’re feeling about our sex life” and then listen.

Instead of getting defensive, really listen to what your partner is saying.

It could have nothing to do with you and everything to do with his feelings of self-worth.

It could also be that your sex drive is intimidating to him and he feels like he won’t measure up-(which by the way doesn’t mean that you have to shut it down!)

If you want honesty from him, make it safe for him to talk with you about what’s real for him.

He may or may not want the same thing from your relationship and if you don’t want the same things, then you may have to make a decision whether to stay in or leave.

Before you make that choice, invite your partner to a conversation about his biology and also about what brick walls could have been built inside both of you that keep love out.

Be willing to discover how you can be an invitation to more love with him that just might reignite his flame.